


I'll Be Good

by jeopordywaitingsong



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, I'll be Good by Jaymes Young, I'm Sorry, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 23:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeopordywaitingsong/pseuds/jeopordywaitingsong
Summary: Basically, I was listening to a gigantic playlist (139 songs) on shuffle and this song came on and this oneshot became the most important thing in the world.I recommend listening to the song while reading this. Just a suggestion, though.





	I'll Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Cutting, suicide mentality, panic attack.  
> I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Or don't, I don't care at this point.

_I thought I saw the devil, this morning. Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue._

Connor watches the blood drip down his wrist slowly, Zoe pounds on the door, “hurry up! Some of us have to piss!”

“This house has more than one goddamned bathroom! Go use another one!” He shouts.

“Dad’s mad at you! Says if you’re cutting again he’s sending you to a mental facility!”

“I don’t give a flying fuck what he’s saying!”

_With the warning, to help me see myself clearer. I never meant to start a fire, I never meant to make you bleed. I'll be a better man today. I'll be good, I'll be good, and I'll love the world, like I should._

“This is why nobody fucking gives a shit about you!”

“I don’t remember where I asked for your opinion.” He snaps, turning back to the task at hand. Literally. He quickly washes away the blood from his wrist. ‘It’ll have to wait another day.’ He tells himself, intentionally hitting Zoe in the shoulder on the way to his room.

_For all of the time That I never could My past has tasted bitter, for years now. So, I wield an iron fist grace is just weakness or so I've been told. I've been cold, I've been merciless. But the_ _blood on my hands scares me to death._

He locks his door and falls to the floor, sobbing. The world seems to stand still as he does.

_Maybe I'm waking up today. I'll be good, I'll be good. And I'll love the world, like I should. I'll be good, I'll be good, for all of the light that I shut out, for all of the innocent things that I doubt, for all of the bruises I've caused and the tears. For all of the things that I've done all these years._

Nobody comes to get him. He falls asleep to the sound of Cynthia and Larry shouting, an oddly normal occurrence. Nobody shouts at him in particular until the next morning, before school.

_For all of the sparks that I stomped out. For all of the perfect things that I doubt. I'll be good, I'll be good, and I'll love the world, like I should. Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good. For all of the times I never could._


End file.
